Stayed at my mates' last night.

All times may or may not be accurate

3:00 AM
With no whiskey left and a rapidly dwindling supply of tobacco, Dave and I decide to pack in this XBox 360 lark and go to bed. He vanishes upstairs to get yelled at by the missus, I construct a sleeping bag fortress and start reading some of Spike Milligans WW2 memoirs (fucking hilarious) and fall asleep

7:30 AM
Chris arrives home from work, Leni comes down to get ready for work, Dave is dragged down to see her out, I complain and swear and spit at the noise and the two cats asleep on my face.

8:00 AM
I realise I can't find my phone and deduce it must have fallen into the sofa. It is impossible to remove any of the cushioning from it, me and Dave cut the sofa open with a sword, can't find it.
Fruitless searching continues.
I get fed up and go out for a fag. Realise back door is unlocked. Realise one of three motorbikes is missing.

Long story short, they stole keys for all the motorbikes (it's a pity they didn't try taking the knackered one, we'd have heard them rupture their balls trying to shift the fucker) my wallet (which has almost everything important in it), my keys, and my phone, they have taken Dave's dad's motorbike, his wallet and his keys.
Interestingly enough, although they had taken the consideration to crawl around my drunken slumbering carcass to take my phone, they had left the 360.
More interesting, they had been into the front room and decided not to steal the boxed PS3 and Wii.
Most interesting of all, they didn't opt to take one of the infinity billion swords/knives in the other room and kill me for being a fucking prick who slept through a home invasion.


I need a hug.
Oh, and before anyone asks, I've already cancelled all my cards got my keys replaced, arranged to have home locks changed and organised my sim card shit before coming onto teh internets to tell a bunch of strangers stuff.



All I've done to fight crime and now this.
I have a wretched feeling Bastard-Man was involved in this.

Holy shit, soz Besty All I can say is that hope your okay and you'll sort out your shit soon.

Replacement (brand spanking new) phone is on the way, bank cards are cancelled, picked up spare keys.

Ironic. I spend years going on about how peoples' phones own them, the second I lose mine is like losing a bloody limb.
Can;t imagine them making anything from it, my phone was a piece of shit.

My only real losses
- Driving license will cost to replace
- Wallet had like 80 quid in it

Sorry. I got robbed around this time last year so I know it fucking sucks.

That's really rubbish, use your superpowers to hunt them down!

We found the bike - Totalled! Utterly fucking ruined! Fucking assholes!

Other than that, got my locks changed, got my new phone (No camera, no bluetooth, no mp3s, no internet, NOTHING but texts and calls. Awesome. Love it. It's also mega small and light and has an awesome pink flowery background. METAL)

My driving license had my dad's address on it. They've tried and failed to break into his house, which is, like, fucking impossible, I've tried many, many times.